Thursday Blues

Hey All!

Sorry to have been MIA...like I said before, I picked a winner of a time to start a blog.  Sheesh.  This time however, the craziness is family related as opposed to work related and I am a bit sad this Thursday afternoon.  

Actually, that's an understatement. 

I think I have mentioned in a previous post that I have a grandmother "Mo", who is nearing her 100th Birthday.  Well, she has been declining due to do dementia over the last year and between the women in my family, we've been able to keep her home.  

Until now.  

She lives with my (almost) 80 year old Aunt (I've got great longevity genes) and it is just too much for her to handle any longer.  Everyone plays their part and we have some professional help as well....but it has become increasingly clear, over the past 2 months or so, that something was going to have to give and that we needed to start exploring other options.  It has always been understood that we take care of family and I've always thought of nursing homes as places for people to go when they have no family to take care of them.  This adjustment has been extremely difficult to swallow.  

That we can no longer care for the woman who fled from Lithuania on foot in the middle of the night with 3 children (and one on the way) with nothing more than she could carry on a small pull-wagon so that her husband would not be sent to Siberia (or worse) during World War 2, has been a bitter pill.  (seriously, this is movie material)  That she has put herself at the bottom of the pile her whole life so that we, her family, could have a chance for happiness...and that now, we her family, cannot care for her in the way that she deserves and needs pretty much sucks the big one.  

So a week ago, my mom and my aunt were given the opportunity to visit some nursing homes in the area and saw one home (out of several) that they thought would be a good fit for her but were warned that beds rarely became available for people in her position (Medicare dependent).  And then yesterday, after a week of sleepless nights because Mo has been fighting to get out of bed and clawing and biting and moaning and crying all night long, they got the call that said a bed was open and they  needed to move quickly if they were still interested.  So after long and heartbreaking consideration, an ambulance came to take Mo to her new home today, with my aunt riding along and my mom following in the car. 

I'm heartbroken and I feel guilty and just so so sad.  I'm sorry to put this all on you blogosphere, but I just needed a vent.  Sooo, I'm not going to post my recipe for the day...because I'm too sad.  If anyone out there reading this happens to have any words of wisdom, I'd appreciate it.  My head knows that this is the right decision, but my heart hurts for it.  Not fair.

~Bean